Adding to my plummeting self-esteem, I had recently had my heart broken by a guy I'd been dating long story; we met through work. I was way more upset about this breakup than it made any sense to be—I hadn't been in love with him, and he had once brushed his teeth in his car while driving, which you'd think would have been an immediate dealbreaker.

I had heard about the easy casual sex that was available through online dating—I'd even written about it. But I didn't think it was something I would ever be interested in. How impersonal, I thought, and how sexist. Heterosexual dating apps, in my opinion, promote the objectification of women, in addition to numerous other challenges and dangers. Unsurprisingly, my problems with online dating only grew as I started using it and became more familiar with the many ways in which I believe these companies exploit users for gain.

But there was one thing I wasn't expecting about dating apps when I first went on them: the interest of younger men. I wasn't matching with other year-olds—I was matching with guys in their 20s, often early 20s. I would get messages with winky-faced emojis from guys named Justin and Zack and Tyler who were born in the years after I had already graduated college, been married and divorced.

In their profile pics, they were standing around campuses, trying to look cool and nonchalant; they were holding up fish they'd caught. They were saying things to me like, "What's a beautiful woman like you doing on a dating app?

I knew their lines were corny, and I knew I hadn't suddenly blossomed into Elizabeth Taylor, but it didn't matter. I started swiping more and more—and more—trying to get another dopamine hit from a match or a message from another guy named Jared or Brandon telling me how cute I was. I would tell myself, I'm just going to do this for twenty minutes, but then twenty minutes would become an hour, and then two. I started to ask myself, with some concern: Am I getting addicted to these things?

I was. Dating apps are designed to be addictive. They tap into our deepest yearnings and desires. And in my case, I guess, it was the yearning to feel young again. Over the course of about three years, I went on dates with more than fifty guys—first as a form of distraction from my mid-life crisis, and then as research for my new book.

I went on dates with hipster dudes and Wall Street bros, college students and guys struggling to pay the bills. I went on a date with a guy who rode a skateboard to come pick me up; it had a horny devil emoji painted on it. I didn't stop to think too much about what in the world these guys saw in an older woman like me. And in my case, I guess, it was the yearning to feel young again. Over the course of about three years, I went on dates with more than fifty guys—first as a form of distraction from my mid-life crisis, and then as research for my new book.

I went on dates with hipster dudes and Wall Street bros, college students and guys struggling to pay the bills. I went on a date with a guy who rode a skateboard to come pick me up; it had a horny devil emoji painted on it. I didn't stop to think too much about what in the world these guys saw in an older woman like me.

I took a basic psychology course in college, so yes, I knew one possible reason calling Dr. I had a moment of sheer panic when one of them took off his T-shirt and I saw there was a tattoo on his arm that said: "Mama.

Over time, it started to dawn on me that some of these guys were actually attracted to the wisdom and experience that an older woman can offer.

I'd been so conditioned by my society to think that getting old was bad, I couldn't even see the regard they had for me as a woman who had accomplished some stuff. When I did see it, it moved me, and made me feel tender toward them.

Of course, this didn't excuse how they made me crazy when they didn't show up on time or didn't text me back. It didn't make up for the ways that many young men today—and older men as well—use dating technologies as tools for disrespecting women through sending harassing messages.

In a recent survey, 57 percent of women aged between 18 and 34 said they had received unsolicited, sexually explicit images while online dating. Sometimes people do much worse. Dating apps have a real problem with issues of assault and unwelcome sexual advances. One study found that around 30 percent of women reported being sexually assaulted by person they had met through online dating. These frightening statistics are simply not discussed enough.

Sometimes, I would call out guys for their bad behavior. As an older woman, telling off a man who had offended me was suddenly much easier for me to do. I was experiencing a growing sense of power, which I also didn't expect. Menopause has its drawbacks, but it can also come with great rewards. And one of those rewards is a sense of strength. Strength in knowing more than you ever did before. Strength in having survived. Think about it, how many times have you deleted and reinstalled an app from your phone?

It creates a toxic environment where the app makes you feel bad about yourself, so you delete it. Then, you start feeling lonely , and that makes you feel bad too. So you download it all over again. With growing support for the connection between technology use and mental health , the relationship between motivation for cell phone or internet use and well-being warrants further exploration. The number of bots and spam accounts would shock you. Some apps even hire employees who chat with users under fake profiles in order to engage them in the app more.

If anything, they will probably get more Black Mirror-y as artificial intelligence evolves. This is known as the Paradox of Choice. According to the Association for Psychological Science , critiquing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental. This makes you more likely to dismiss a perfectly good candidate for something trivial.

Apps like Tinder and Bumble have made it possible for singles to dramatically open up the dating pool, but that could have some negative consequences, especially for people who already deal with social anxiety or loneliness.

Researchers at Ohio State University recently surveyed college students who used dating apps and found that people who described themselves as lonely and socially anxious were more addicted to the social media platforms , to the point their dating app usage interfered with their work or schooling.

To test this, researchers had students answered online survey questions like "Are you constantly anxious around other people? They also had to say whether they agreed with statements like "I am unable to reduce the amount of time I spend on dating apps. The researchers found that people who had higher levels of social anxiety said they preferred to meet people on dating apps rather than in person, and also preferred socializing with their app matches without meeting face-to-face like with in-app messaging.

As the researchers theorize, some people with high levels of social anxiety may feel that way because they don't have confidence in their own social skills. They like dating apps because it can protect against that to an extent.

But this proclivity can be damaging. When people in the survey reported being both socially anxious and lonely, they also used dating apps so much that it interfered with other aspects of their lives, like work or school.

Read more: I gave up dating apps for a week and tried dating the old-fashioned way — here's what happened. On the other hand, students who said they only were anxious but not lonely, or those who said their feelings of loneliness were only low to moderate, did not display behaviors that suggested they were addicted to dating apps.

The study was relatively small and relied on self-reported data from the students, so the findings don't necessarily mean your constant dating app use is problematic. But being mindful of app usage could be helpful for your health and dating prospects. Regulate and be selective in your use," Kathryn Coduto , lead author of the study, said in a statement.

In fact, creating limits around how often you use dating apps could benefit both your mental health and your chances of scoring a worthwhile date. Read more: Why saying no to a second date could be sabotaging your love life.

Dating experts previously told INSIDER that setting limits on the number of people you match with and the number of people you go on dates with can make the dating process a more enjoyable and fruitful experience. To decide whether you're swiping for fun or because you truly believe there's a chance you could click with someone, dating coach Sameera Sullivan suggests evaluating your motives. Am I doing it for my self worth?

If you are just using apps to see how many matches you can rack up, trying a different approach and waiting to connect with someone who shares your interests may be more worth your while. Keep reading. HOMEPAGE 0. Julia Naftulin. Facebook Icon The letter F. Email icon An envelope.

It indicates the ability to send an email. Share icon An curved arrow pointing right. Facebook Email icon An envelope. Email Twitter icon A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting. Twitter Snapchat icon A ghost.

Snapchat Fliboard icon A stylized letter F. Flipboard Pinterest icon The letter "P" styled to look like a thumbtack pin. Pinterest Link icon An image of a chain link. It symobilizes a website link url. Copy Link. Redeem now. People who describe themselves as lonely and socially anxious may tend to become more addicted to dating apps , according to researchers from Ohio State University.

The researchers surveyed college students and found those who described themselves as anxious and lonely used the online platforms so much, their habits got in the way of work or school. Regulate and be selective in your use," one of the lead researchers said. This more mindful method is often called "slow dating" and it can increase the quality of your dating app matches. Visit INSIDER's homepage for more. Over 3 million people read Morning Brew ; you should too!

Loading Something is loading. Email address. Sign up for notifications from Insider! Stay up to date with what you want to know. Deal icon An icon in the shape of a lightning bolt. Sex Relationship Loneliness Tinder YahooAdd.

I met a stable environmentalist on Bumble. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Here's What No One Told Me About Losing A Baby During The Second Trimester. A week in, he brought my mom flowers. Post-breakup, I mourned our relationship before downloading a new app: one with no swiping involved.

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